I understand in our life, we all have moments where we are self centered.  When we have to put ourselves first. I had a “moment” like that this year that was life changing. But I KNEW it was self centered. I knew it was solely to make myself happy and prevent me from a miserable life. So please understand….THAT I UNDERSTAND, we will all have times when we need to think about what is good for us! There are other things that I understand when we will be selfish and need our friends to be there for US, when you get married, have a child, are planning either of these things, break ups, death, I could go on for days…and I could name instances for every one of these things where I have beenthere for every one of my friends at one point or another. And now…I need them…And where are they? No not they….where is she?

I found out a WHILE ago that one of my “best friends” who had left town had come back home and had made a plan to surprise me. True to form, it was inconvenient for them and a month after being hospitalized I was left home alone bc Dennis was sure that she was going to make it over. She never showed. He was miserable…I couldn’t figure out why…and then he told me…and I truly think I felt my heart break. I had been complaining that she was in Syracuse and had made no effort to see me…her best friend…and then he told me she was supposed to and that’s why he was miserable.

It was at this point where I started to realize, maybe they don’t have these “self centered moments”, but maybe they are just self centered. At this point, I got even worse. The seizures started, ok they aren’t seizures, I would rather they were…then we would know what is wrong with me, and now I wonder…do they even know, that they don’t have a clue what’s wrong with me? Do they even know that just the other night Dennis woke up and I was completely unconscious? That I didn’t know what month it was let alone what year? Don’t get me wrong…I don’t expect everyone to always be thinking of me. But one of my “best friends”? You’d think with the last 7 months-ish I’ve had, they’d want to check in weekly? Or at least MONTHLY! I know that if it was them, or any of my other close friends, I absolutely would. For God’s sake….with today’s technology….SEND ME A TEXT! Hell, one of my friends got in a car accident in VIRGINIA and I have checked on her more in the last 2 days than they have in 7 months. I will say…she came over twice. Once to get something she needed and the second time…oh yeah to get something else. At least that time she took her shoes off!

At first I hoped it was because they were so far away. And then Lori came in from Boston. And just sat with me. Doing nothing. Except listening to me cry bc I was in so much pain. Kerri was here non stop. And STILL gets here every chance she gets. Those 2 (other than my family of course) are CONSTANTLY checking on me. Texting, stopping by, and SHOCKING….they actually PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL! Just so I can hear their voice. Just to cheer me up. They understand that when I need them, even in the condition I’m in, they can call me in a heart beat, and I’d be there for them! They KNOW that! And I KNOW I can count on them! The other day a girl I have NEVER met, called me hysterically crying. I stayed on the phone with her until I knew she wasn’t alone anymore. Is it wrong of me to want and occassionally NEED that same love and care from MY friends???? Considering I have friends that do it…I don’t think it’s unreasonable!

 I think when something like what happened to me, happens, you find out who truly cares and understands. I’ve always been there for my friends…breakups, guys cheating, funerals for people that I’ve never met….but in 7 months how many of my “friends” have been here to see me when I couldn’t get off the couch…or to sit with me bc I was feeling awful and you had stuff to do, or visited me in the hospital, or EVEN CALLED TO CHECK AND SEE HOW I’M DOING….I can count it on 1 hand other than my family…wait I can count it with 2 fingers!